Back in 2018-2019 after I'd left the beauty salon I was working at, I was working 2 part time jobs.  One was in an office and the other was at the airport.  I liked both well enough and it helped to barely make ends meet, but they were only part time.  When I applied for the airport, of course I wanted to be able to partake in the benefits of flying for free, but we couldn't afford to go on trips at that time.  Either way, the benefits were there, I'm really good at customer service, and I got paid to people watch for the most part.  The orientation was 1 day, but training was to be for 2 weeks in Chicago at one of the airport's major hubs.  For whatever reason, they couldn't send my group and I to Chicago and we were told that we'd have to do training here in Detroit.  This was to my utter disgust.

It was years later when I realized that my not being able to go to Chicago was for a reason.  I was in the midst of contemplating leaving my marriage.  I didn't have the gumption to just go, but life had me miserable.  I figured, if I could just use the 2 weeks away from home, maybe I'd feel better about returning to life as it was.  These weren't just sudden feelings: it was something major that I had to admit and then face.  I hate conflict, but this was an issue that affected me directly.  Of course it involved my family, but my own sanity was at stake and I was losing it.  I knew that a major change like this would affect my children and life as I knew it, but staying in the same spot was going to cost me my mind...and I'd be no good for them anyway eventually.  I'd been carrying these thoughts for a while and if you let my sisters tell it, they'd say, "Jennifer checked out for like a whole year."  This was true.  I wanted to spare the great changes that would affect my husband and 2 children, but I was living in a miserable space.  I wasn't myself anymore.  I thought I was hiding it but apparently not to well.

If I had gone to Chicago and returned, nothing would have changed or it would have taken longer for me to come out of my "slump".  I didn't like who I'd become and it was reflective in my every day life.  I was hurt and trying to keep everything inside, but that was only to my own detriment.  I just wasn't happy.  I felt taken advantage of.  I was trying to do right all while knowing that I was being wronged and I was fed up with it.  I felt stuck and that only added to my existing frustration.  I was working 2 part time jobs for Christ's sake!  Where would I go...and HOW?

Clearly, having me to stay home during the training was the kick in the pants that I needed to make my move.  It hurt then, not to be able to get away but I don't regret how it played out in the end.  I'm not giving a whole lot of details here, but the point is for me:  I have to face my fears and deal with issues even though the outcome will create major change or even hurt.  Nothing is worth losing your mind over when you have the opportunity to make changes to prevent that.  It hurt to go through that transition, and there are still residual feelings from going through that.  But change is a part of life that we all have to face, whether it just happens or if we cause it.